Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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