Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I lost the right to judge tonight
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
