You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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