he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
