have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
