I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
