my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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