Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
