Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
