I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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