I wish I could teleport
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
