You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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