Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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