I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
