I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
