don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
