I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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