Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
