That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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