No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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