another moral hangover. fuck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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