If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
