I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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