remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
