Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
