I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
