I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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