Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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