The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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