You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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