I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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