a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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