some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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