I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
