I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
