all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
