I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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