She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
