Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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