At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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