i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
