Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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