I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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