I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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