Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
