She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
