i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize