Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
