I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
