I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she smelled like a LAN party
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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