He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
