There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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