Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
