I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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