I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
