I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
