How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
