i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
