I wish I could punch you in the face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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