you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
