At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
