Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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